刘家证 – Elvis Low Kay Cheng, 刘家诚 – Louis Low Kay Seng

 In Lost And Found

This is a twin this time. I can’t imagine I have lost 3 lives in less than 1 year… I was pregnant in May this year, suppose to be due in 10 February 2013. However, due to twin I was scheduled to go for c-sect in 37 weeks. Also based on past experience, we have opt to go for cervix cerclage forseeing the weight that twin are going to bring. The doctor said is going to be 6 times the risks and complications. However, we have made preparations to go for long term bed rest to secure this pregnancy.

Everything went well till the 5th month, full details scan. Doctor spotted a ballooning effect on top of my cervix straining it. His only advice is more rest. However on 27th September, just 2 days later, I woke up spotted some bleeding in the morning. Wasting no time, I rushed straight to the clinic. Still hopeful that it was going to be a small tear, however, the scan is not ideal, the stitch tore completely, the cervix is opened again, our worst nightmare. I was admitted that very same day.

Hanging on in the hopsital was neither easy. I was on strict bedrest tilted with my head down for 2 days, hoping that the water bag which had slid out from the cervix can got back in the womb. However, it proved to be useless. Later I had infection and was told that it would induce constraction pains and therefore labour. Doctor put me on a new antibotics and hoped that it would worked out else the twin might be deliver within hours. We prayed and prayed hard for it. We can’t sleep that day. My hubby stayed back and waited for any news to come in. The new antibotics seems to have work, 2 days passed and contraction pain died down. Seeing this, this doctor suggested a scan to check the twin status and see if we can work out a long term bed rest solution.

On mon, we did a scan, the twin are doing well despite Elvis’s head had slid out to the vaginal area as well. However, we had decided the worst case is to keep at least 1 baby if possible. We had blood test to check on the infection indicator again to check if infection had come down or not. However, to our surprise, it rose instead of going down, despite all other signs like blood pressure, temperature looks ok. Fearing another heart attack, we decide to do another schedule blood test on wednesday to check for any root cause of the infection and to determine the correct medicine to it. Before we can check on it, I had severe contraction pains again on tuesday afternoon.

It started from about 4pm or 5pm, I took medicine and injection to try to reduce the pains but all does not seems to work. So we had to call in the doctor again. He checked on me and said the baby had drop to delivery position again. I was given the instruction to push again, right in the middle of a 4 bedded room. We didn’t even had the time to go to operating theatre. It was that rush!! By 6.35pm, Elvis was delivered first being that at the bottom position. We had hoped for the contractions to settle down and stayed, however, things didn’t work out to what we wanted. By 7.00pm, Louis popped out as well in a flash. Both twin died at 21 weeks 2 days on 2nd October 2012. They were about 400grams each when delivered. It was 6 days before my birthday…

Why is God so cruel to me? I knew it was a twin even before I did a scan. I thought it was a sign from God? Why take them away again? I can’t hide my emotions, I was sobbing and sobbing badly… Is it meant to be this way? I don’t know what to say anymore… 🙁

Elvis & Louis Low

BTW, my hubby commented that Louis looked like Dominic in some way…

Background information about Incompetent Cervix (IC)
Website: http://www.uchospitals.edu/specialties/obgyn/cerclage/faq.html

More information on Transabdominal Cerclage (TAC)
Website: http://abbyloopers.org/index.htm

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Showing 14 comments
  • Rachel
    Reply

    Speechless.. For the past few days, months, I saw a mother struggling and determination despite the odds, holding on to her fear and pushing forward. Despite all the discomfort she still strive on. Now then I understand why they always say a mother love is greatness, always fighting for their baby and putting them at their first priority and not themselves. Some choose not to have kids, not to go through all their sacrifice and to give out their priority in life. Is there anything wrong? No one has the answers. And how far will one go for it to have a kid?? There is also no answer. For me, I doubt I have the strength and courage to go through what my sis done. I would have given up on the beginning. She told me less than 1 year 3 lives were lost.. I told her, she was the greatest trying her best to make 3 lives and giving them a life of endless love and committment.

    I hope with time, her supportive husband, family, friends support, my dear sis can slowly stand up again. We are all here for u to go through this stormy patch. Somehow God will give her a light to move on…

  • Karen
    Reply

    Felicia, I’m so so sorry that Louis and Elvis were so cruelly taken away, even after all these months of doing everything in your power to keep them safe. I’m so so sorry…. *Hugs*

    I lost my boy at 18 weeks earlier this year and I read your story when you posted on the Stillbirth thread in the Singapore Motherhood forum about losing Dominic. I was really glad for you when you conceived your twin boys and was hopeful for you that this time everything would go well.

    I wish I knew the right words to say to help with the pain and grieve you must be feeling now. Cry, sob, be angry, let your emotions show. There is no need to hide any of it. Take all the time you need to grieve. I am certain you will find the strength to stand again and forge on in your journey to motherhood.

    Keeping you and your angel boys in my thoughts,
    Karen

  • Chrisl
    Reply

    Hi Felicia, i was thinking about you just a moment ago and decided to pop by your blog and read about your updates on your twins but then was met with reading the terrible terrible ordeal you went thru, my heart is aching for you.. and no words can describe it. You are in my prayers..

  • NaiWoon
    Reply

    Hi Fangling, so so sorry to hear that. 🙁

    So sorry have not feedback on your book. However, I have managed to finish it very fast. The style of writing is very much like how you would talk. And from your book, it revealed that some love are very much hidden, and will only be shown in times of difficulty. You have a very close knit family, and that is your blessing. 🙂

    Sigh…it really is not easy for you. So many hurdles along the way. But be strong and don’t give up. 转个念头海阔天空。

    I’m not a Christian, but don’t blame God. 一切都有 “前因后果”,或许是前世种下的因也说不定。或许三个小朋友是来跟你讨债的,让你受到如此的痛苦。把债还清了,就轻松了。往前看,前面的路或许会更好。关关难过,关关过。

    我最近在读《新民日报》的一个专栏,邢渲的《前世今生》,她看得到另一个世界的东西,看得到未来,看得到别人的前世,会帮人卜卦。或许可以读读看。有很多今生所发生的事,都是以前种下来的因。所以多行善积德,会对你有好处。

    愿你快快康复,走出伤痛!祝福你!

  • Felicia
    Reply

    Thanks for all the comments. Much appreciated!!

  • Jialin
    Reply

    I was so sad to read though your second case.
    Don’t frustrate, maybe the first two failures is just welcome sign for the third success.

  • Karen
    Reply

    Very sad…. I also miscarrIage two times between my both sons…. so i can understand the feeling… Hope you will be fine… Take a good care at least one or two year, then just thinking pregnant again…. God bless you

  • Daphne
    Reply

    Dear Fang Ling,

    I’m sorry to know the loss of your twin. My heart dropped when I read your blog.
    Though it’s not a birthday to be happy, i wish to send u a STAR:

    *S*trength to recuperate very well
    *T*oughen love with hubby
    *A*ll our blessings to support u though the coming journey.
    *R*ewarding life in time to come.

    I LOVE U, my friend.

  • Carol Yap
    Reply

    dearest Fang Ling,
    Be strong girl !
    Because heaven know you can make it that’s why you are giving a tough job in this lifetime !
    Just remember WE are always with you no matter the distance !
    Wish I could give you a hug now 🙂

    loves,
    Carol Yap

  • Karen Chua
    Reply

    I’m a stranger whom read about your blog yesterday. Yet I couldn’t’ hold back the tears and knowing you are hurting as much on the other end. No words or comforts can heal the broken heart and pains you are feeling for awhile. But have FAITH all this will pass. For our children are here way too soon yet never forgotten in our heart and memories forever.

    I had 2 early miscarriage and lost my girl Meredith at 22 weeks. And I went through similar events prior to the miscarriage of Meredith then. Keeping my faith and prayers, I finally went on to have my fraternal boys though premature too at 26 weeks+.

    I would like to be in touch personally if you need ever need someone to talk to… be there for you. Please feel free to contact me.

    Keep all our Angels in Heaven in prayer. And may you recuperate well now.

    KAren

  • Tricia
    Reply

    Felicia,

    You and your hubby have very admirable and commendable spirits! I know it’s very difficult to overcome your losses time and again, and yet you never failed to inspire others by sharing your experiences.

    While I am in my 3rd pregnancy now and my baby is just a couple of weeks younger than your twins, I really count upon my blessings that I never had to go through what you have been through. All that morning sickness, fatigueness and weight loss or weigh gain that most mommies encountered are nothing compared to your experiences!

    I truly wish you all the luck and blessings in your next try if you are planning 1. I believe that with your perseverance and the love and desire for a child, you guys will see light at the end of the tunnel soon.

  • Lin
    Reply

    felicia,

    i am so sorry to hear about yr loss. there is no words to describe yr pain or any way that i can console u.. i truely feel for u, yr hard work to keep yr babies safe n all u did.. but i admire yr courage to not give up despite all the rough patches.. i believe u will be rewarded soon! we will all pray for u!

  • Chan Siew Lai
    Reply

    Dearest Fang Ling,

    My sister-in-law had a similar condition as you. The first baby was miscarriage. The second baby was delivered at 23 weeks. However the very premature baby was in intensive care for 9 months in kk hospitial. As his diaphragm and lungs were not developed completely hence he was dependent on ventilator for almost a year upon discharge. Though he is 4 yrs old now he cannot walk and talk yet. He is still on liquid food through tube feeding.

    When my sister-in-law had the 3rd baby in less than 1 year gap, she had very early contraction again around the 5th mth, hence she was stitched and was instructed to be warded in the hospital for completed bed rest till delivery. On 7th mth, the 3rd baby (girl) was delivered prematurely. Thank God, my niece was developing normally.

    Pls do not give up.

    There is a time for everything. Ecclesiastes 3:1-13

    Pls take good care and rest and heal in all aspects

    Love from Nelliz Chan Siew Lai

  • Ashei
    Reply

    Hi Felicia,

    I chanced upon your book in the library after getting my menses yet again. I finished your book that night & cried along with you.. We have been through so much similar agony.. I lost my baby boy when he was 25weeks. Reason – unknown. I delivered him but he’s just not there anymore.

    First thing I did the next morning was googled your blog. I wanted you to know that you are not fighting this war alone & to thank you for sharing. Instead, I was dumbstruck to see this very very unfortunate news… How can this happen again when you are just recovering from your lost??? Where is hope when you need it, where is the light at the end of the tunnel?

    Although I don’t know you personally but I can feel your strength & resilient. I know you will strike again soon but pls allow your body enough time to rest & recuperate before trying again.

    加油, do not give up. One day the victory will be yours, ours. Hoping & praying for our very own rainbow babies in the very near future.

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